Dallon's Story

What better post to share after Taylor's than Dallon's. Dallon lights up every room with his smile and bright personality. I have only know Dallon for a short time, but he has already made my life happier. I'm excited to share his story!

I was excited when Kelly asked me to share my experience with all of you. At first I thought that I would have a lot to say! I should shouldn’t I? I mean I have years of experience being a “gay mormon” and by this point in my life you would think that I could give a proper master class on how to navigate both aspects of my life. Here’s the thing though....I really can’t. I have not found the perfect way to balance my spirituality and sexuality. Most of the time, I’m just taking it day by day and doing the best I can with what I have. Let’s be honest, we’re all struggling in someway or another. But hopefully I’ll be able to share some of the experiences that have helped me get to where I am. 

Here’s the story that I thought about writing about in a nut shell: “When I was younger I knew I was different. In middle school I was bullied for being gay. I tried to conceal that I was gay and prove that I was wasn’t gay. Then I served a mission where I realized I was truly gay and there was no changing it. I came out to my parents shortly after, spent a few years “figuring things out” in college, came out to the rest of my family, and then I met and married another “gay mormon” who went through a lot of the same things I did.” Does that sound familiar? Maybe not all of it, but I’m sure we all share some parts of the same story. 

I’m not trying to make light of that story and say that each step didn’t come with a lot of pain and struggle, but what I’ve realized is that my story is not just the way I came out. My story has been in the ups and downs, mistakes, failures, and the ever too inconsistent successes. I wish I could tell you that I figured it all out and made every right step along the way, but I didn’t. My way zig zagged and sometimes even did full 360’s. There really is no “right way.” Sometimes you just have to go with your heart and gut and see where it takes you. One principle that has really helped me in navigating this journey came to me at one of the most trying times of my life.

My lowest of lows happened in the 7th grade. It was my first year in middle school and changing schools meant that most of my friends went elsewhere.  At first everything was fine and I made my first friend. It didn’t last long though and after a couple of months he turned against me and started a rumor that I was… you guessed it... gay. 

(Sidenote: that “friend” of mine ultimately turned out to be gay as well. So if you’re in this situation, just know that karma is a REAL thing!) 

I wasn’t the most masculine guy so it wasn’t hard for people to believe.  After that first rumor started, the bullying began. I never felt safe at school and I was always on guard emotionally and physically. I was in constant survival mode. Kids would make jokes about me, tease me, avoid me, and I was even punched in the stomach between classes by an upper-classman. It became so bad that I started passing out because my anxiety was so high. My peers told me that I was different, less than, and that I didn’t belong. And to tell you the truth, I started to believe them. 

The lesson that changed everything happened toward the end of that school year. I was walking home from school and felt like I couldn’t keep going on. I came through the front door and fell right to the floor. I had finally hit my breaking point.  Tears came flooding from my eyes, I couldn’t breathe, and I had lost my last ounce of hope. I felt completely and utterly WORTHLESS. But there on the entry floor, in complete desperation, is where I learned one of the greatest lessons I have ever learned. My sweet mother, who had struggled through all of this with me, lowered herself down next to me on the cold floor. With tears in her eyes, she looked at me with a look I will never forget and firmly said, “Dallon, don’t you ever let ANYBODY tell you who you are.” 

Something flipped inside of me that day and those words became a guide in my life. That day, I chose that only I could decide my worth and that it only mattered what I thought about myself. I stopped letting everyone else define me. My mom liberated me from the opinions and judgements of everyone else and gave me permission to choose for myself. 

This has helped me navigate my journey of being gay and mormon.  When I first came out to church members they would tell me things like stay “temple worthy”, just keep praying, that my sexuality was a burden/cross I would have to bear, etc. The gay men I got to know told me things like I needed to hate the church, that I needed to be a gay activist or else I “didn’t love myself,” sleeping around was the only way I was going to figure things out, etc. Both sides tried to tell me who I needed to be in order to fit into their community. But because of that early lesson my mom had taught me, I knew that I would not have to choose a side. I made my own decisions, created my own community, and did what felt right to me.

What I’ve learned is that you don’t have to be any way. You don’t have to fit in. You don’t have to change. You don’t have to choose a side and conform to whatever they tell you to be. You just need to be more of who you already are. Only you know who that is. Those who love you will accept you as you are. Those that don’t, are not the ones you need in your life. This is easier said than done. But anytime I feel like the world is trying to tell me who I am, I remember my mom’s lesson. That changed everything for me and I wouldn’t be where I am today if I didn’t hold on to that through every chapter of my life. 

My Takeaway: Don’t you ever let ANYBODY tell you who you are. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. What do you think? Give yourself permission to choose for yourself. 

Now to the highest of highs. These don’t come nearly as often as we hope and normally they come right after some of the hardest times that feel like they will never pass. My high point came on my wedding day. It was well thought out and I thought I knew what to expect. But on that day, when I was actually standing in front of my hunky future husband and saw all our family’s faces looking at us with nothing but happiness and support….It hit me. It hit me because there were so many dark times in my life where I felt completely alone. Times where I felt that everything about me was wrong, worthless, and ugly. Times where I felt like not being here, would be better than seeing what happened at the end of my story. But, after all of the days of feeling like I would never find somebody or that I wasn’t enough or that things were never going to work out for me....something that I thought could NEVER happen... DID. 

Life is hard. Taylor and I were some of the lucky ones. We had supportive families who knew how to love us and love God. And Taylor and I never had to choose between our love, our families, and God. I will never forget the feeling I had standing there and knowing that every hardship had been worth it. That every one had made me into the person that could appreciate every second of that experience. Everything became clearer and I felt nothing but love and gratitude for my journey.

We all struggle in our own ways. We all have moments of hopelessness where we feel like we’re stuck and will never get to that high of highs. Don’t beat yourself up because you don’t have all the answers or you don’t know EXACTLY what to do right now. Be patient and sometimes life will give you the answers you need when you need them. God has perfect timing and a plan for each of us. Don’t give up and keep moving forward. Everything is going to be ok. Everything happens when and how it is supposed to. He loves us and wants the very best for us. If we put our trust in Him and try our best we will have those moments in life where we are at our highest of highs and it will all make sense. No matter where you are at on your journey right now, YOU are a SUCCESS STORY. 

My Takeaway: Keep moving forward! Keep trying. Don’t give up. There is so much light, happiness, and blessings in store for you. You are a success story. 

So my friends, I’m sorry that I can’t give you all the answers. I am still going down this unknown path too. I hope that the little bits that I’ve shared might help you. But more so, I hope that YOUR OWN story will help and inspire you. I hope that your own life and decisions is where you will find the answers that you came to this blog post looking for. Keep moving forward, you deserve all of the love, happiness, and blessings that are ahead of you.